Harry Potter Goes To Disneyworld
by Sianatra
Summary: Oh dear. Mayhem will most certainly ensue. -Harry OOC-
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold, dark night in Disneyworld. A cool, menacing breeze blew through the treetops. All of the rides were deserted, and not a single soul was in sight. Except for one person. Voldemort stood on the top spire of Cinderella's castle, laughing like a maniac. "Now that I have made Inferi of the dolls from It's A Small World, I can finally take over the unvier – "

**Oh, wait. Wrong story. **

Harry stared in wonder up at the sign. _Magic Kingdom_ it read. _Where Dreams Come True. _He considered this skeptically. Dreams couldn't just magically be granted, could they?

"Come on, guys," he ordered his family. "Let's go get tickets." He started walking in no particular direction, quite unsure of where to buy said tickets. Why did the Muggles have to make things so hard to find?

His family trailed after him uncertainly.

"Dad, I wanna go on Splash Mountain!" Lily whined, bouncing up and down.

"Sure, sure," Harry said absently. "Now where is that ticket booth?"

The family searched in vain for a few minutes until Ginny finally shrieked, "Aha! It's under the sign!"

"Oh," Harry blushed deep red. "I knew that all along. It was just…camouflaged."

He strolled over to the ticket booth. "Hello there, sir," he greeted the man inside, a short, portly fellow who wore a dissatisfied expression on his smug face. "I was wondering if my family and I could get tickets."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Don't rush me." The man smacked on his chewing gum for a few moments, then promptly blew a bubble in Harry's face. "How many 'ya need?"

"Um…five."

The man checked his cheat sheet. "That'll be $396.34. Pay up."

Harry pulled a handful of bronze, silver, and gold coins from his pocket. "Will this be enough?" he asked hopefully.

The man examined a plump gold galleon. "Never seen this type of money in my life," he drawled. "I need some real currency." He blew another bubble in Harry's face.

Harry's lip twitched with suppressed rage. "I'm sorry sir, but this is all I've got to offer to you."

"Then go somewhere else where they'll accept these here coins," the man said unsympathetically.

Harry seethed. "I'm not going _somewhere else_, for your information. My family and I are going to Disneyworld, whether you like it or not."

The man once again blew a bubble in Harry's face.

"Arrrgh!" Harry yelled in frustration. He drew his wand from his cloak and pointed it at the man. "Imperio!" The ticket salesman's eyes glazed over, and his head lolled to the side.

"NOW GIVE ME MY TICKETS!" Harry screamed, panting slightly.

The man handed over the tickets, staring blankly off into space.

Harry lifted the spell, then performed a Memory Charm on the unfortunate fellow. He would forget about the whole incident.

"Good day, sir!" Harry yelled as he and his family departed. "Have a nice life!"

The man just waved.

"Where to now?" Harry asked Ginny abruptly. "You seem to be directionally inclined."

Ginny pointed at the monorail station. "I think we're supposed to take that train – "

"Daddy!" Lily interrupted, tugging at Harry's sleeve. "Can we please go on Splash Mountain now?"

"Of course, darling," he reassured his daughter vaguely. "Once we get into the Park. Now what were you saying, Ginny?"

"I was saying that we have to take that train to get to Magic Kingdom." She pointed into the distance. "It leads right up to the gates."

Harry muttered something unintelligible underneath his breath. "And how do we get onto the train?"

Ginny motioned to a, long, wide staircase. "Stairs," she replied simply.

Harry winced. Darned stairs. They had to follow him everywhere.

"Are they moving stairs?" he asked, frowning. "How the heck are we supposed to know which steps to jump over?"

"It looks like a regular staircase to me, darling. You know, in the Muggle world, there are such things."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said, exasperated. "I used to live in a cupboard under one of those so-called 'regular staircases.' But my experiences at Hogwarts have taught me to never underestimate a staircase that appears to be ordinary."

"But I'm highly convinced that this_ is_ a regular staircase, dear. See how solid it looks?"

"You never can tell."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Well, you'll know once you climb it. Go on."

Harry looked at her beseechingly, but took a tenacious step forward onto the cold, hard cement. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the worst. But nothing happened.

He took a shaky breath and stepped onto the next stair. "Stay behind me, kids," he warned. "This could get messy."

He cautiously continued walking up the steps, and had made it about halfway before his foot got stuck.

"Oh no," he moaned, shaking his head. "I told you so. It is a trick staircase!"

"No, it's not," Ginny corrected him, sighing. "It's just a piece of gum."

Harry looked down, and indeed what his wife had said was true. "Whoops," he muttered, blushing deeply. "I knew that. I was only kidding." He yanked his foot up, freed himself from the clutches of the gum, and continued his journey up the stairs.

"It's safe," he called down to his family once he had reached the top. "You can come up now. Just watch out for that gum."

Ginny, James, Albus, and Lily clambered up the steps.

"Good," Harry declared when he had been joined by his family. "Now we can board the train."

He wandered over to a Disney Worker. "Excuse me," he asked. "But how are we supposed to get to Platform 9 ¾ from here?"

The Disney Worker scratched his head, puzzled. "No idea what you're talking about," he said, frowning lightly. "You should probably take your family and get in line."

Harry, following the man's suggestion, took his family and got in line, rather unsure of what to do. Suddenly, the monorail whooshed into the station and came to a stop in front of the Potters. The doors opened.

"Go on in," the Disney worker said kindly.

So they went in. The inside was quite roomy, seeing as there were no other passengers in their compartment. Lily and Albus found delight in running from end to end, letting out little squeaks of happiness.

"You'd better stop that," Harry advised. "The train will start at any minute now."

Right after he said this, the doors closed, and the train took off.

The Potters were surprised at how fast it was moving, and were tossed unceremoniously to the floor. All except for Ginny, of course. She was standing in the middle of the compartment, clinging for dear life onto a thin metal rod.

"Come over here," she beckoned. "If you hold onto this rod, you can stay upright – sort of."

Harry, James, Albus, and Lily crawled over to where she was and took a firm grip on the metal rod.

"Merlin!" Harry exclaimed, attempting to stand up. "This train is a safety hazard! What were they thinking when they built this thing?"

"I don't know," Ginny said comfortingly. "But we're alive, and that's all that matters."

Harry snorted indifferently.

"I wish the lady with the snack trolley was here," he said, a note of longing in his voice. "I'm in the mood for a Pumpkin Pasty right now."

"You _would_ be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, never mind."

The next few minutes dragged by, until, finally, the monorail pulled up to the station. The Potters tumbled out shakily, knees wobbling.

Harry was a delicate shade of green. "Never again," he vowed. "_Ever_!"

"We still have the trip back!" Ginny reminded him.

Harry shook his head stubbornly. "No!" he exclaimed. "I'd rather risk Summoning our brooms than riding that…that thing again."

"Okay, then. Have it your way."

As the family neared the exit, Harry looked down in alarm. "Oh no," he whispered, horrified, face rapidly turning pale. "Another staircase!"

Ginny rolled her eyes and pushed him down the first step. "I think this one should be safe," she said sarcastically.

"I – I don't know, darling – this one looks rather vicious – "

Ginny interrupted him. "Come on," she said to her kids, and started down the stairs, ignoring Harry's feeble protests. "Don't listen to Daddy." The kids plodded down the stairs after their mother.

"Wait!" Harry said weakly. "Stop!"

But, heeding Ginny's words, they didn't listen, and continued downward.

Taking a deep breath and calling up his nerve, Harry followed them, stepping with care.

When he reached the bottom, he let out a whoop of joy. "Told you so!" he exclaimed to his disapproving family. "I _told_ you it was perfectly safe!"

Ginny opened her mouth to make a scathing, insulting remark, but snapped it shut. She didn't want to let loose in front of the children.

Harry looked around, completely lost. _Where was that entrance?_

"Wife, consult the map," he ordered loftily.

"We don't have a map."

"Then find one."

"I don't know where to find one."

"You're a witch, for crying out loud! Summon one!"

Ginny consented and Summoned a map. She poured over it for a few moments, and then looked up. "The entrance to Magic Kingdom is right in front of us," she said.

Harry looked up, too, and spotted the entrance.

"Ooh, I found the entrance!" he stated grandly. "Come on, family, let's go have some fun!"

They walked over to the turnstiles, and Harry handed a Disney worker his ticket.

"Thank you, sir!" the worker said cheerily. "Have a nice day here in the Magic Kingdom!"

Harry smiled at him politely."Excuse me," he said, gesturing to the set of metal bars that blocked his entrance. "But can you remove these bars for me?"

The Disney Worker kept smiling. "It's called a turnstile," he explained. "I'm not supposed to remove it. You're supposed to go through it."

"Why do I have to go through it? That's stupid."

The man stiffened. "Please don't insult my company, sir," he said firmly. "I'm sure they have the reasons. Now, will you please go through already? You're holding up the line."

Harry shrugged and stepped forward, but the metal bars stopped him. "I_ can't_ go through."

"Keep walking. The bars will move with you."

Harry kept walking, and to his surprise, the metal bars turned with him until he had safely reached the other side. He was in the Magic Kingdom now.

"Daddy, daddy, _daddy_!" Lily whined passionately as she plowed her way through the turnstile. "Can we please, please, _please_ go on Splash Mountain!"

Harry smiled and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Of course, sweetheart," he said. "I promise. But watch your back in this crowd. There could be rabid dementors gliding about, for all I know."

Lily's eyes widened with fear.

Harry ignored his daughter's reaction and turned to face the rest of his family, who had just made their way through the turnstiles.

"Lily wants to go on Splash Mountain," he announced. "Wife – consult the map!"

Ginny just glared at him.

Harry's day at Disneyworld was off to a horrible start.

**Please, please review! I'll keep posting more chapters if you do! (You know you want to…)**


	2. Chapter 2

After a long, heated squabble, Harry finally managed to convince Ginny to read the map. After all, it was for their daughter's own good.

Ginny was still reluctant, but she opened the map anyway. After a few minutes, she snapped it closed, a satisfied smile on her face. "Right now, we're in the Main Square," she explained to her family. "In order to get to Splash Mountain, we need to take the left path that leads to Adventureland. Once in Adventureland, all we have to do is follow the winding sidewalk, and then we'll be at the ride."

Harry clapped his hands together expectantly. "Let's go then, what are we waiting for?" he asked.

"James," Ginny answered shortly. "He's in the bathroom."

"Oh."

The Potters stood in silence for a while. Then, James emerged from the bathroom, looking relieved.

"Alright, come on!" Harry urged his family. "Lily wants to go on Splash Mountain _right now_, so we can get there before the line gets too long!" He half-pushed, half-kicked his family to Adventureland in an excited frenzy, happy he could finally do something worthwhile for his daughter.

"Oh, it's Pirates of the Caribbean," Albus whispered longingly as they passed the attraction.

"No time!" Harry snapped. "Gotta beat the crowds!"

And so, he continued to herd his family along until they reached the ride.

"There it is!" Lily said excitedly, pointing at a big, tall, scary-looking mountain. As if on cue, a boat of screaming girls flew down the steep drop, their hands in the air. An old woman, who must have been their supervisor, sat in the back of the boat, lifting her eyes to the heavens and making the sign of the cross on her forehead as they plummeted downward.

Harry gulped apprehensively. This was not what he had expected. Not at all.

"Uh…" he stammered nervously. "You four run along. I think I'll go use the bathroom for a half hour…" He turned around and started walking away, but Ginny ran after him, caught his arm, and spun him around.

"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"I – I – I have to go to the bathroom – for a while – and then, maybe – get a really long drink of water – "

"No, no, no," she reprimanded him, waggling her finger. "No backing out."

"Come on Gin, please – "

"No. You dragged us here. You're going on the ride, Harry, whether you like it or not."

Harry wanted to argue, but he knew better. When his wife was angry like this, arguing would only result in a fatal injury.

He slumped his shoulders in defeat, knowing he had been beaten. He would have to go on the ride. He would have to endure the torture. He would probably die.

James, noticing his father's glum expression, patted him on the back. "It'll be okay," he reassured Harry. "It's only a five story drop, and the incline's not too bad."

Harry nearly jumped out of his skin. Five stories! That would be nearly fifty feet!

Ginny playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Don't get your knickers in a twist," she told him, rolling her eyes. "Disney wouldn't have made a ride that wasn't safe."

"They made that hyper-speed train."

"Well, maybe they did. But that's not exactly a ride. And besides, millions of people have ridden Splash Mountain. Millions, Harry. And guess what? So far, there haven't been any injuries."

"I like it how you say 'so far.' Like you're suggesting something bad might happen to me. That really makes me feel better."

Ginny sighed and turned to her kids. "Why don't you go check how long the wait time is?" she hinted. "It'll give you something to do while your father and I are arguing."

The kids scurried off.

"So is that what we're doing?" Harry asked, clearly affronted. "Arguing?"

"Every good couple does it."

"Yeah. I'd rather not, though. I hate arguing with you."

"Why?"

"It's scary."

Ginny chuckled. "You always know how to make me feel better," she said, leaning in to give Harry a kiss on the cheek.

By this time, the kids had returned, bearing dreadful news.

"The wait time is one thousand and ten minutes," Lily said proudly, eyes shining.

"No, don't listen to her," James scoffed. "She doesn't even know her place values yet. It's only one _hundred_ and ten minutes, Mum."

Harry arched his eyebrows as the fact registered with him. 110 minutes. That was just less than two hours. He could play a Quidditch game in that amount of time. A freaking _Quidditch game_. How was he supposed to wait in line for that long?

James saved him from hyperventilation by adding, "There's this thing called a Fast Pass, though. If you get one, you can wait for an hour or so somewhere else and then come back to the ride. The Fast Pass lets you basically cut to the front of the line. "

Harry's breath caught in his throat. That Fast Passes could save his life. If only he could find some.

"I need some," Harry said wildly. "Where are they?" He swung his head from side to side, as if expecting a Fast Pass distributor to magically pop up in front of him.

"Ginny?" Harry said pleadingly. "Consult the map?"

Ginny sighed, and didn't even bother to take the map out of her pocket. "There appears to be a Fast Pass machine about fifteen feet from here," she said bitterly. "But I'm not even going to tell you where it is. You need to learn how to operate on your own."

"What if I don't want to operate alone?"

"Well, you have to. I'm not going to be giving you directions anymore."

Harry snorted. "Whatever," he said, taking the map from Ginny. "I don't need your help. I'm a perfectly smart, intellectual individual, and I can figure this out by myself." He peered at the map, but couldn't seem to make much sense of it.

"Um…Harry? You're holding the map upside down, sweetheart."

Harry looked down at his hands, only to learn that what his wife had said was true. "I know that, darling," he said sheepishly, turning the map right side up. "I was just trying to look at the Park from a different angle." He examined the map again, but still couldn't make any sense of it, and finally, with a resigned sigh, gave up. "I just can't figure out what all those lines and splashes of colors mean," he moaned. "This is so _hard_."

Ginny laid a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you don't need see the eye doctor?" she asked worriedly. "Maybe you need the lenses on your glasses switched out."

Harry shook his head. "I went to see him 3 days ago. My vision's perfectly fine."

"Well, in that case, you're just plain stupid."

Harry was taken aback. "WHATDIDYOUJUSTCALLME?"

"Stupid."

Harry's face grew livid. "I'm the Chosen One! I'm the Boy Who Lived! I defeated Voldermort by using my own epic wizarding skills! Don't you _dare_ call me stupid!"

Ginny was exasperated. "This is a map geared towards _children_, Harry! It should be _relatively_ easy to read!" She snatched the map from Harry's hand and gave it to Lily, encouraging her daughter to find where the Fast Pass distributor was located.

Harry sniggered. "She'll never find it; she's only five! If _I_ can't find it, I'll bet money that she can't either."

"Be careful what you bet, darling."

Lily scrutinized the map, then pointed a tiny finger to the left of Harry's head.

Harry whirled around in shock, and his eyes locked on the Fast Pass station, directly where his daughter was pointing. "Hmm," he tittered, trying to lighten the mood. "Like mother, like daughter." Gosh, this was embarrassing. His own daughter had beaten him.

Biting his lip with mortification, Harry walked over to the machine. It was grey, shiny, and lethal-looking. "Now what do I do?" he hollered back to his family.

"I dunno!" James shouted back. "Figure it out!"

Harry felt uneasy. Things usually tended to go wrong when he figured things out by himself.

"Do I have to?" he griped to his son.

"Dad, get a grip. You can do this. You're the one who dragged us all the way here. I didn't really want to go on this Splash Mountain thingy, but you were insistent. So, now, you have to get us Fast Passes. Or else Lily will die of thrill deprivation. No pressure."

Harry moaned. "I was only trying to be fatherly when I brought you all here," he explained. "I just wanted Lily to be happy."

Ginny glared at him. "Then _keep_ being fatherly and get us those Fast Passes!" she said scornfully. "Kick the thing if you have to!"

Harry beamed. "Good idea, Gin!" he exclaimed brightly, raising his foot.

"No, Harry – wait – I didn't mean – "

But Harry kicked it anyways.

A girlish, blood-curdling scream echoed throughout the Park.

Harry collapsed to the ground, nursing his foot, tears already pooling in his eyes. "Oooowwww!" he whimpered. "Ginny – help! I can't feel my toes!"

Ginny rushed over and knelt next to her husband. "Which foot is it?" she asked apprehensively.

"My – my right one – "

"Aha." Ginny peeled off Harry's shoes and socks. "Now I need to see how bad it is," she said grimly. She prodded his foot with a cautious finger, and he let out a little yelp of pain.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "But I think we'll have to amputate it."

Harry fainted.

When he came to, Ginny was slapping his face.

"A – a – amputate," he choked out. "I – I don't wanna be a – a cripple."

Ginny laughed. "I was just messing around with you, O Chosen One. Your foot is barely hurt at all; just a bit bruised." She looked up at the Fast Pass machine. It was smoking zealously and had a large dent in the bottom, where Harry's foot had made an impression. "To be honest," she said, smirking. "I think you damaged that thing more than you damaged yourself."

Harry grimaced and got to his feet. He was a bit wobbly, but overall, he was fine. Casting a glance at the destroyed machine, he managed a nervous chortle. "Guess we're going to have to wait for 110 minutes, huh?" he said, doing his best to remain optimistic. There were worse things. Not many, but there was worse.


End file.
